the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
