I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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