I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm too high and old for this...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
