East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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