can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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