Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
