i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
