My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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