why didn't you poke me back
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
