I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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