We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
