I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
