I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
