found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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