apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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