He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
