We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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