He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm passing your future prison.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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