Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
