I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
