moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
