You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
