i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
