Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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