Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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