Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
