Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
