Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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