Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
