I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
