What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
