you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
