Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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