I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
