i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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