I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
