I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
