I haven't been this sober since birth.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
