There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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