I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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