Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
