dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
love makes seman taste better
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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