She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
