Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
