She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
