I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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