pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize