I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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