He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
