Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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