Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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