I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize