At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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