this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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