I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am available for nakedness
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