i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
