it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He shit in the fireplace
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
