This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
