i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this boner is exhausting
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
