i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
