You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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