why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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