Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
