I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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