There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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