Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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