I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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