just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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