I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
