I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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