i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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